Update 7-24-2013

Alot but not alot has happened since my last post. So not adoption related but God has been really working in our lives since my last post. Especially with David in a good way. I have seen him grow in his walk with Christ these last few weeks, The Lord has opened up for him to preach at our church plant in Springfield, NE and he was able to go to our youth camp last week called Super Summer in Salina, KS. As his wife I am so proud of him. I am praying that The Lord will continue to work in His life and we are always in his will.

On another note we did have our yearly homestudy today and I just love our case worker. She is so easy to talk to. Now that is over for this year we are still just in the waiting game. I find it easier to get through to stay busy and not dwell on it that is why my posts have been far and few in between. Not that I don't mind talking about it because I do. Its just that there is nothing really to update on while we are waiting.

Until next time please continue to pray that The Lord will continue to prepare our hearts for our child and continue to gift the birth family the strength and courage they need.

Time to update

We have to update our profile and letter and renew our homestudy every year. Well, Its hard to believe its been a year already!! We got our homestudy renewal packet in the mail yesterday and its not near as fun to fill out a second time as it was the first time around. The first time around I was so excited to finally be at this point I flew through the paperwork. Getting it a second time is just a confirmation it is taking a little longer to be chosen then I hoped for. But on the other hand it gives us an opportunity to update our letter and make changes to it if we want too. I want to try to make it more personable to the birth mom as she reads it. I want our personality to shine through that letter and make her want us to be the parents for her child. Please pray God gives me wisdom and the words to say in our letter describing ourselves to her. This I have to say is the hardest part about the adoption process because you want to make myself look fun and the great person I am, but on the other hand I don't want to sound conceded. I find it really hard to talk about myself and my accomplishments. Hopefully if it be God's will this will be the last time we have to do our homestudy paperwork. It's crazy how fast this year went. Until next time please continue to pray on the Lord's timing and not our own.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end [fulfillment]; it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, wait [earnestly] for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day. Habakkuk 2: 3

Sand in the City 2013

Each year our agency puts on the sand in the city which is their biggest fund raiser all year. I volunteered to work the Kid Zone. I had a blast doing it. I was a little disappointed when I woke up and it was forecasted to storm all day. On my drive down to the Century Link the rain was coming so hard I could hardly see out my windshield I wanted to turn around and go home. I kept pressing forward and I am glad I did because the sand sculptures were amazing. The talent that the people have to put this on is amazing. They start and finish the sculptures the Friday before the Sand in the City and only have 6 hours to complete. So all the sculptures you see were done in 6 hours or less. This event is so much fun. Not only are there the sand sculptures but there is face painting, cookie decorating, and games for the kids and live bands playing in the background. Even though it was a little soggy all in all it was a great day.

Infertility Awareness Week

It's infertility awareness week. I read this and it really rang true for me personally.

"Infertility isn't the roller coaster that many people describe - it's more of a ferris wheel. It just keeps going and going and going. Sometimes you have to exit the ride for a little while to reconnect with your spouse, get some space, or soothe your soul. Advice is everywhere, it seems, but I always find that the best advice is to rely on instinct and to be selfish sometimes. You have to take care of you."

It's a very long, slow process for a lot of women. Sometimes it's permanent and sometimes they get labeled "infertile" just to have a Miracle baby years later. For my story it began in 2007 when I found myself miscarrying after only 4 weeks. I only knew for 6 short amazing days. Before that awful November day. David and I had been praying for a child since February of 2006. After my miscarriage my OB/GYN started to run tests on both David and I. Shortly there after I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrom) and with that diagnosis and other issues we faced my doctor was amazed we even conceived in the first place. We were told that we have a less 4% chance of ever conceiving again, but we all know God is bigger than any diagnosis and can work miracles if he so chooses. Me I held on to that hope for so many years after that after almost 4 years of infertility work and 2 IUIs or next step was to do an IVF. David and I both agreed that the money that it cost and the chance of it working was not worth the $10,000 gamble so we prayed and prayed for the Lord's guidance. We decided the best way to grow our family was through adoption. At the time we knew adoption would also be expensive but we knew our chance went from 40% to 100%. We like those odds a whole lot better. So in February 2011 we started looking into adoption agencies both locally and nationally. We thought about international but we felt the Lord wasn't leading us in that direction. After research David and I decided that a local agency worked best with us. We went with one company first but they declined us because they were looking more with families that were already established with children. Then in June 2011 my friend Amber invited me to Sand in the City here in Omaha. At the time I thought it was something put on by the city, but when we got there I found out that it was put on by a local adoption agency. I grabbed a few flyers and read them, not really giving them much thought. A few months later I ran across them again and read it again. So the next day I called them on my lunch at work and asked how much there information meeting was (most agencies cost). I was astounded when they told me they only charge our time, treasures, and talents and there was not interview process to get in. As long as you passed the home study and background checks you were in. We knew right away this is where the Lord has brought us. So in November 2011 we went to our first information meeting and in February 2012 we had officially started the process of becoming adoptive parents. In November 2012 we were officially accepted and approved to become adoptive parents through Nebraska Children's Home Society. That is where we are at today in this long long road to being parents. Through the last 7 years the Lord has taught me alot that things don't happen the way you plan them. I have spent many many many nights just crying out to God and literally tears falling crying to him asking him why he hasn't let David and I be parents yet. I still have my tough nights wondering why but I truly know He knows best for us. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story in a nutshell. It just sometimes people don't realize how hard infertility is. I have gotten comments like well maybe God doesn't want you to be parents and I got questioned on why we paid so much for infertility work and want to pay thousands of dollars for adoption. But when the Lord places the desire of motherhood on my heart I can't ignore it, and yes he chose for me to be infertile and I gave up the dream of carrying my child in my womb along time ago. So I am carrying my child in my heart and just praying the Lord brings them home to us soon.

How I feel about choosing Open Adoption

I want to start out saying I pray for our birth mom each and ever single day. I may not know who she is yet but I already feel like she is apart of our family. That's the beauty of open adoption is that not only will we get the child we always have prayed for but we also get extended family. I know people think I am weird in wanting an open adoption. Open adoption is not co-parenting and the birth mom will not have a say in how David and I choose to raise our child. She will be like a distant relative or a close friend. I would never go to my best friend's house and tell her how to raise her boys. Yet, I love her boys and want the best for them. Its a relationships like that. I get asked all the time by friends, strangers, and family how I could allow the birth mom to be apart of our family. My question is how could I not?! God is using her as a tool to give us our child. Just because we let her see our son and daughter does not mean she will be over everyday and telling us how to parent. If we choose to let her come over for dinner does not mean she will sneak over and kidnap our son or daughter. She is making this decision out of pure love for her child. I saw a video by Mark Schultz which I posted at the end. He said when a birth mom first gets pregnant she has 3 choices. 1) abortion which even writing that word makes me cringe and he he goes onto say if his mom chose the first option he would not be here today, 2) for her to be selfish and keep the baby even though she knows she cannot care for it the way he needs to be, or 3) to place a baby for adoption which is the most selfless act any person on this earth can give. If she loves her baby that much to choose the 3rd option than she is a great example of Christ's love. God gave his one and only son so that we could have life and have it more abundantly. So yes, I do plan on allowing the birth mom in our lives. This does not mean she will be over everyday because David, the baby, I will need our time as a family too. But I do want our son or daughter to know how selfless his birth family is and I want him/her to know how much he is loved. In fact he/she will be loved all the way around. He/she will be one blessed child because he will have David and I to love him/her as our own child and our parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Just like any normal child but then he will also have his birth family to send him cards and love him/her as well. Thanks for listening. Just wanted to share how I feel, because I get asked this question a lot.

The Lord at work

This last week the Lord has really been speaking to me about really truly being in His will for my life. It's so true the God's timing is not ours. I don't know when of if he has a child planned for us but I have to be prepared either way. Over the last few weeks I have felt "less of a woman" because I am not a mom. One of my biggest depressed  days was this past Wednesday. I woke up in a fog and not really wanting to be near anyone or do anything. Wednesday morning when I walked into work I was given a special project that I had to get done. So I sat at my desk at work and popped on my ear buds and turned it to our local Christian Radio station. Around 10:00 they took a break from the music playing and Focus on the Family came on. Guess what it was on? That's right it was on being a Virtuous Woman; the woman God wants us to be. One of the things that really tugged my heart is the lady on the radio said God has a purpose for every woman whether she is a wife, mother, or called to be single. We are to be the women God has planned for us to be. This really got me thinking because I am a wife and I have been putting David's needs aside and focusing on what I want and not being the wife I should be. I have not been the virtuous wife God had intended me to be towards David. So I made a decision to be happy with whatever path The Lord decides to give me because that is what He wants for me. I will be a much happier person by choosing to be happy in my life now instead of dwelling on what I do not have and start focusing on what God has blessed me with which is a wonderful Godly man that loves the Lord and that helps around the house (Truth be told he probably does more than me in this area). I have truly been blessed already and look forward to the blessing of the future. I have 2 of the most well be have dogs I could ever ask for.

Just a few of my thoughts

Wow! I can't believe its been 2 years already since we decided to take our adoption journey. Its been 7 years this month since we decided we wanted to start a family.I would of thought by now being in my late 20's I would have had 2 or 3 kids right now. I always said I wanted to have my kids young so I could enjoy them growing up and I could enjoy my grand kids growing up. Growing up as a little girl I cared for my baby dolls as if they were alive and really needed me. I dreamt of the day I would find the man God wanted me to marry and we would start our family together. Never thought the Lord would bring to the road of infertility. It has definitely not been an easy one, and it doesn't look like it will end soon. Some days I feel like it will never happen and other days David and I will go to Target and walk around the baby stuff just dreaming of the day we can fill our house with it.

Ever since we got on the active adoption list 3 months ago we have been attending PREPARE groups with our agency which has helped a lot because it helps me realize I am not the only one that God has given this path to. There are 100+ couples waiting for a baby and we are just 1 of those couples. Our agency only adopts out between 25-30 babies a year so we could still be waiting a few more years depending on the Lord's time. But these groups also help me a lot because each month we talk about a different topic to help us prepare for our future with our child and his or her birth family.

Many times I catch myself  thinking what if we are never chosen and I never get to be a mother. Would I be OK with  that? Not really because my heart aches to be a mom and God want to see our desires of our hearts come to pass but it has to be in his timing. I just cling on him and with prayer and dedication to Him he will bring the right baby to us. I don't know who my son or daughter is yet but I do know that he or she is a very special person because good things come to those who wait. I pray for him or her every single day and that  they will come to know the Lord at a young age and not go through the things of this world. Who knows may be he will be the next great evangelist and win hundreds of souls to Christ! I know one thing I look forward to that day I get that phone call from the agency telling us a birth mother has chosen us to be the parents of her baby. Please continue to pray for her and the trials she will be facing to as she makes t his life changing decision.

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.