Infertility Awareness Week

It's infertility awareness week. I read this and it really rang true for me personally.

"Infertility isn't the roller coaster that many people describe - it's more of a ferris wheel. It just keeps going and going and going. Sometimes you have to exit the ride for a little while to reconnect with your spouse, get some space, or soothe your soul. Advice is everywhere, it seems, but I always find that the best advice is to rely on instinct and to be selfish sometimes. You have to take care of you."

It's a very long, slow process for a lot of women. Sometimes it's permanent and sometimes they get labeled "infertile" just to have a Miracle baby years later. For my story it began in 2007 when I found myself miscarrying after only 4 weeks. I only knew for 6 short amazing days. Before that awful November day. David and I had been praying for a child since February of 2006. After my miscarriage my OB/GYN started to run tests on both David and I. Shortly there after I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrom) and with that diagnosis and other issues we faced my doctor was amazed we even conceived in the first place. We were told that we have a less 4% chance of ever conceiving again, but we all know God is bigger than any diagnosis and can work miracles if he so chooses. Me I held on to that hope for so many years after that after almost 4 years of infertility work and 2 IUIs or next step was to do an IVF. David and I both agreed that the money that it cost and the chance of it working was not worth the $10,000 gamble so we prayed and prayed for the Lord's guidance. We decided the best way to grow our family was through adoption. At the time we knew adoption would also be expensive but we knew our chance went from 40% to 100%. We like those odds a whole lot better. So in February 2011 we started looking into adoption agencies both locally and nationally. We thought about international but we felt the Lord wasn't leading us in that direction. After research David and I decided that a local agency worked best with us. We went with one company first but they declined us because they were looking more with families that were already established with children. Then in June 2011 my friend Amber invited me to Sand in the City here in Omaha. At the time I thought it was something put on by the city, but when we got there I found out that it was put on by a local adoption agency. I grabbed a few flyers and read them, not really giving them much thought. A few months later I ran across them again and read it again. So the next day I called them on my lunch at work and asked how much there information meeting was (most agencies cost). I was astounded when they told me they only charge our time, treasures, and talents and there was not interview process to get in. As long as you passed the home study and background checks you were in. We knew right away this is where the Lord has brought us. So in November 2011 we went to our first information meeting and in February 2012 we had officially started the process of becoming adoptive parents. In November 2012 we were officially accepted and approved to become adoptive parents through Nebraska Children's Home Society. That is where we are at today in this long long road to being parents. Through the last 7 years the Lord has taught me alot that things don't happen the way you plan them. I have spent many many many nights just crying out to God and literally tears falling crying to him asking him why he hasn't let David and I be parents yet. I still have my tough nights wondering why but I truly know He knows best for us. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story in a nutshell. It just sometimes people don't realize how hard infertility is. I have gotten comments like well maybe God doesn't want you to be parents and I got questioned on why we paid so much for infertility work and want to pay thousands of dollars for adoption. But when the Lord places the desire of motherhood on my heart I can't ignore it, and yes he chose for me to be infertile and I gave up the dream of carrying my child in my womb along time ago. So I am carrying my child in my heart and just praying the Lord brings them home to us soon.

How I feel about choosing Open Adoption

I want to start out saying I pray for our birth mom each and ever single day. I may not know who she is yet but I already feel like she is apart of our family. That's the beauty of open adoption is that not only will we get the child we always have prayed for but we also get extended family. I know people think I am weird in wanting an open adoption. Open adoption is not co-parenting and the birth mom will not have a say in how David and I choose to raise our child. She will be like a distant relative or a close friend. I would never go to my best friend's house and tell her how to raise her boys. Yet, I love her boys and want the best for them. Its a relationships like that. I get asked all the time by friends, strangers, and family how I could allow the birth mom to be apart of our family. My question is how could I not?! God is using her as a tool to give us our child. Just because we let her see our son and daughter does not mean she will be over everyday and telling us how to parent. If we choose to let her come over for dinner does not mean she will sneak over and kidnap our son or daughter. She is making this decision out of pure love for her child. I saw a video by Mark Schultz which I posted at the end. He said when a birth mom first gets pregnant she has 3 choices. 1) abortion which even writing that word makes me cringe and he he goes onto say if his mom chose the first option he would not be here today, 2) for her to be selfish and keep the baby even though she knows she cannot care for it the way he needs to be, or 3) to place a baby for adoption which is the most selfless act any person on this earth can give. If she loves her baby that much to choose the 3rd option than she is a great example of Christ's love. God gave his one and only son so that we could have life and have it more abundantly. So yes, I do plan on allowing the birth mom in our lives. This does not mean she will be over everyday because David, the baby, I will need our time as a family too. But I do want our son or daughter to know how selfless his birth family is and I want him/her to know how much he is loved. In fact he/she will be loved all the way around. He/she will be one blessed child because he will have David and I to love him/her as our own child and our parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Just like any normal child but then he will also have his birth family to send him cards and love him/her as well. Thanks for listening. Just wanted to share how I feel, because I get asked this question a lot.

The Lord at work

This last week the Lord has really been speaking to me about really truly being in His will for my life. It's so true the God's timing is not ours. I don't know when of if he has a child planned for us but I have to be prepared either way. Over the last few weeks I have felt "less of a woman" because I am not a mom. One of my biggest depressed  days was this past Wednesday. I woke up in a fog and not really wanting to be near anyone or do anything. Wednesday morning when I walked into work I was given a special project that I had to get done. So I sat at my desk at work and popped on my ear buds and turned it to our local Christian Radio station. Around 10:00 they took a break from the music playing and Focus on the Family came on. Guess what it was on? That's right it was on being a Virtuous Woman; the woman God wants us to be. One of the things that really tugged my heart is the lady on the radio said God has a purpose for every woman whether she is a wife, mother, or called to be single. We are to be the women God has planned for us to be. This really got me thinking because I am a wife and I have been putting David's needs aside and focusing on what I want and not being the wife I should be. I have not been the virtuous wife God had intended me to be towards David. So I made a decision to be happy with whatever path The Lord decides to give me because that is what He wants for me. I will be a much happier person by choosing to be happy in my life now instead of dwelling on what I do not have and start focusing on what God has blessed me with which is a wonderful Godly man that loves the Lord and that helps around the house (Truth be told he probably does more than me in this area). I have truly been blessed already and look forward to the blessing of the future. I have 2 of the most well be have dogs I could ever ask for.

Just a few of my thoughts

Wow! I can't believe its been 2 years already since we decided to take our adoption journey. Its been 7 years this month since we decided we wanted to start a family.I would of thought by now being in my late 20's I would have had 2 or 3 kids right now. I always said I wanted to have my kids young so I could enjoy them growing up and I could enjoy my grand kids growing up. Growing up as a little girl I cared for my baby dolls as if they were alive and really needed me. I dreamt of the day I would find the man God wanted me to marry and we would start our family together. Never thought the Lord would bring to the road of infertility. It has definitely not been an easy one, and it doesn't look like it will end soon. Some days I feel like it will never happen and other days David and I will go to Target and walk around the baby stuff just dreaming of the day we can fill our house with it.

Ever since we got on the active adoption list 3 months ago we have been attending PREPARE groups with our agency which has helped a lot because it helps me realize I am not the only one that God has given this path to. There are 100+ couples waiting for a baby and we are just 1 of those couples. Our agency only adopts out between 25-30 babies a year so we could still be waiting a few more years depending on the Lord's time. But these groups also help me a lot because each month we talk about a different topic to help us prepare for our future with our child and his or her birth family.

Many times I catch myself  thinking what if we are never chosen and I never get to be a mother. Would I be OK with  that? Not really because my heart aches to be a mom and God want to see our desires of our hearts come to pass but it has to be in his timing. I just cling on him and with prayer and dedication to Him he will bring the right baby to us. I don't know who my son or daughter is yet but I do know that he or she is a very special person because good things come to those who wait. I pray for him or her every single day and that  they will come to know the Lord at a young age and not go through the things of this world. Who knows may be he will be the next great evangelist and win hundreds of souls to Christ! I know one thing I look forward to that day I get that phone call from the agency telling us a birth mother has chosen us to be the parents of her baby. Please continue to pray for her and the trials she will be facing to as she makes t his life changing decision.

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

2012

As 2012 comes to an end, I want to reflect on its up and downs. It rose up many challenges but ti also had many blessings.

We were finally accepted into Nebraska Children's Home Society in February 2012 which was exactly 6 years after trying to start our family. We started our journey with the agency and came to many roadblocks along, but we finally got approved as a waiting family on November 7, 2012. I am looking forward to what 2013 brings. We have a goal for 2013 to get completely out of debt except for the house and the car. If we stay on our path I think it may actually happen. My prayer is we will also be blessed with a child in 2013. The agency told us that we could be on the list for years but I have faith that it will not take that long. I knew waiting would be hard but it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. You go to a store and you want to look and dream about the day you get to hold your son or daughter. I know only the Lord knows when that will happen.

David has been amazing in this journey. He has always been my shoulder I can lean on and even though I don't always want to hear his words of encouragement at that time. He always knows what to say to make me feel better. I am so grateful he Lord gave him to me. I think we have gotten a lot closer to each other this last year. We have both grown stronger in the Lord and gotten a lot closer to each other.

One of our biggest trials this year was trying to choose a new church. I was perfectly content where we were and happy, but David wasn't growing in the Lord. So we prayed about it and I have to be honest I was praying for the Lord to change David's mind because I had built friendships at our old church and I was afraid that I would lose those friendships if we left. But as we prayed each night The Lord was actually changing my mind and not David's. After all David was our spiritual leader in our house and he needed to be growing in the Lord. So after months and months of praying and searching The Lord brought us to our new family church and in the 4 months we have been attending there David has grown tremendously it is such an answer to prayer. We immediately got involved head first and have been used by God ever since. I am just over joyed that we are where the Lord wants us. Even though I miss my friends at our old church I still get to see them and they are still a great part of my life and never want to lose those friendships, I am starting to build an extension to my friendships and being involved is such a great feeling. I cannot wait to see where they Lord bring us to in 2013. I am excited!

I want to thank-you for taking the time to read and I hope  you and your family have a safe and Blessed New Year

HAPPY 2013!!
The DeHarts

Great News!

After almost 2 years in working with our agency we finally made it on the active list.
Our profile letter is complete and now we just are waiting on the Lord to bring us our precious child. Now is the real test of faith. Up until this point we has some what control on how fast things progressed on how active we were in submitted paperwork and going to classes. Now it is just us putting 100% faith in the Lord he will bring our precious child home to us. It still could be several years yet. I will be OK if it takes that long because I just want the child the Lord has planned. For anyone who knows me knows that patience is never easy for me. I am such a planner in all things I do. At this point I we can do is pray and let the Lord do his work. This is such a big accomplishment thus far knowing the only step we have left is for a birth mother to choose us and bringing our baby home. Please continue to pray the Lord will bring us the right baby in his right timing. I am looking forward to the next step in our lives and meeting and building a close relationship with our birth mother whoever she is. I also ask for you to join me in prayer in praying for her as she has to make this hard decision in her life. I also pray that when she is in our lives David and I can be a witness to her and to win her to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I really don't know what to expect at this point, but until I do I am picturing us having the best relationship with her and our child will know her and love her.

Update

I just wanted to update on where we are pn the adoption process. Alot of people have been asking. So I thought I would blog about it. We submitted all the required paperwork that is needed and our homestudy is complete. I submitted the final draft of our profile letter this last Monday. We are just waiting to hear if we got approved as adoptive parents. Which hopefully we will get that call either this week or next week.

After we are approved we just wait for the phone call to let us know if we have been chosen. They do not share with us that we are being shown because they don't want us getting disappointed every time a mother doesn't choose us. In the mean time we are able to attend the PREPARE meeting put on bu the agency which helps us prepare for our adoption and meeting our birth mother. Our first one is this Tuesday night. So until I hear we are officially been accepted in that is all I have for now. So please continue to keep us in  your prayers as the Lord continues to open his doors for us. All in the Lord's timing.